Lyrics Depot
Lyrics » Weird Al Yankovic Lyrics » Close But No Cigar Lyrics
Find Song Lyrics:



Lyrics Depot is your source of lyrics to Close But No Cigar by Weird Al Yankovic. Please check back for more Weird Al Yankovic lyrics.

Close But No Cigar Lyrics

Artist: Weird Al Yankovic
Album: Straight Outta Lynwood

Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why

And I told her, I said
"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!"

Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Momma Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass

I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy
Of Joe Dirt on DVD

Oh, no! I said
"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(ALL RIGHT!)

[Hand claps, trumpet solo]

Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo

And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to #1 on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist

Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big

I said
"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)
But no cigar!
Comments/Interpretations
no comments yet


Name:
Comment:






Related:
Weird Al Yankovic Lyrics
Weird Al Yankovic Straight Outta Lynwood Lyrics

More Weird Al Yankovic Music Lyrics:
Weird Al Yankovic - Another One Rides The Bus Lyrics
Weird Al Yankovic - Harvey The Wonder Hamster Lyrics
Weird Al Yankovic - Here's Johnny Lyrics
Weird Al Yankovic - Polkas On 45 Lyrics
Weird Al Yankovic - Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White Lyrics
Weird Al Yankovic - The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota Lyrics
Weird Al Yankovic - UHF Lyrics


© 2014 LyricsDepot.com. All Rights Reserved.
All lyrics are the property of their respective authors, artists and labels.